a deep breath, and a loud scream

I was wearing my favorite dress yesterday, long purple festival dress, but something kept pricking me in the back of the leg. As I was making change at our register I finally took a moment to see what it was. I found a seed with sharp ends on it as I pulled it out of the bottom of my dress I cursed it getting ready to throw it away, when a friend/ coworker says," isn't that amazing? Us as people are considered to be the smartest living thing, but look at plants that attach them selves to objects to spread around in order to continue existing" I took a moment and completely agree with her! What a lovely way to look at it. As we all need to be reminded of the simplest things in life. And learn how to adjust with existing with a better out look. I am preparing to have a yard sale this weekend, and am about ready to sell all my knickknack STUFF. I have STUFF, and the way I feel about it is if it doesn't hold sentimental value, or has not been used in a year get rid of it! Clutter- I am ready to get rid of clutter. I am a messy person, because my brain is always going on to the next project not giving myself anytime to clean up the last. I'm tired of things sitting around and if I move to a more simpler lifestyle then the one Mat and I already live (pretty simple as it is ) then my life will not be so filled with unusable items and bring happiness into others. We shall see how far I get with the already long list for the week. Again that better out look. One thing I can not have a better out look on is my student loan debt! I am drowning and nothing can be done- I have paid off two of my loans, but I still have the big daddy! starting out at 64,999.00 down to 61,489.00! I have paid $20,000.00 to them and it has not even gone down 4,000.00! There is nothing I can do about it! I want to stop paying but where will that get me? homeless? bad credit score? taken out of my paycheck? I pay 700.00 a month! that is a mortgage payment! I looked into bankruptcy but private student loans are not eligible - why? just because- no answer. I am not going back to school now, I am trying my damnedest to go off the grid, or as self sufficient as we can. Mat and I can't even think about getting married or kids! He/they would be responsible for my debt. the US can bail out the banks that lent the money but can't bail out the people who make payments - struggle to make those payments - but find a way to do such b/c it is the right thing to do? What about the fact I have paid 20K and my loan has not gone down but a measly 3,500.00? Who is responsible for ripping off students? Students who are told "follow your dream, you can do anything". Oh just take out a loan and it will be fine. Please if anyone knows of any outreach in this subject please contact me. I am drowning alive, and can no longer sweep it under the rug!